It's all about ME, I, Number 1, oh my - me- my!

Okay, that was a http://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifsilly title to tell you that I am going to write about ME in a Meme!
Karen over at Exceedingly Abundant has tagged me for the 8 Things about Me meme!

So here are 8 things about me that you perhaps never knew:

1. I am a Mac convert. I used to be a die-hard IBM user and even had many debates with my then-fiance over the merits of the IBM versus the Mac. Shortly after my son was born, I was nursing him at the computer desk, talking with my 13-month old, and I answered the phone only to tip a tall glass of ice water over on my desk and completely fry my IBM!! Ever since I have been using a Mac and I have to say that I will never, EVER go back!!!
2. When I am in the midst of a really great book, rather than devour it quickly, I like to read it a little at a time in order to savor the delight!! I even will go a few days without reading any of it all so as to prolong my enjoyment of it all the more!
3. I absolutley must wear mascara. I have been known to turn the car around if my mascara has been left behind and I absentmindedly left home without applying any!!
4. I have trouble spending money on things I can get for free. (Like books and cd's when I can get them from the library and I am not totally sure if I am going to like them anyway!)
5. I NEVER EVER read anything twice (except a few academic works and the bible!) and I try very hard to not ever watch things twice! Ever!
6. I love to ski and I miss the mountains. I know that technically that is two things but I am seriously not going to use two slots for this one since they are interconnected. I grew up not too far from the Canadian Rockies and so I learned to ski very young! I wish we lived in Colorado or some place where we could ski more often. I haven't been in 6 years!!
7. I can skate on hockey skates (non-figure-skates) - really well! I also haven't done that in a little while, but it actually is exactly like riding a bike - you just get back on!! I hope to teach our kids how to skate this winter!
8. I enjoy wearing an apron, baking, cooking, cleaning & doing laundry because it means I am serving the ones I love with my whole being!! There is something deeply satisfying about this vocation that I just love. I am always on the prowl for new, more efficient ways to accomplish these tasks, and products that will do the job and not harm my family!

There you have it, 8 Things About Me.

I would like to tag:
Missy @ Four in Tow

An Ode to my Twenties

You welcomed me with exuberance.
I was teetering on an edge of indecision, perilously perched on a porch of moral relativism when you came and embraced me with Truth.
You brought me home to the King of Kings.
You held my hand as I explored the Kingdom and marvelled at the jewels He had in store for me!
You waited.
You gently nudged me toward the path meant for me alone. You patiently waited as I made mistake after mistake.
You pretended to not hear when I cried out for you to be gone.
You pretended to not see when I acted as though you did not exist at all.
You waited.
Oh what folly! I was so blind to not enjoy you in those early days.
As you and I got better acquainted, you began to trust me more with myself. You led me down a path of unfathomable joy as you introduced me to my Beloved.
You cradled me through the endless nights of waiting for him.
You stood by and watched as I wrestled with my Lord.
You waited.
You ran with me as I began to fall in love.
You twirled with me as we danced through engagement.
You blessed me with unspeakable delight the day my Beloved called me his Summer Bride.
You laughed with me through our first pregnancy.
You waited.
You brought me my Emma Rose.
You brought me my motherhood.
You brought me my legs to stand on in the NICU.
You brought me my voice of truth.
You brought me my lullabyes.
You brought me my bedtime stories.
You brought me my I Love Yous.
You brought me my wholeness.
You brought me my holiness.
You waited.
You giggled with me as we anticipated our second born.
You brought me my Timmy Joseph.
You brought me my boy.
You brought me my wisdom.
You brought me my endurance.
You brought me my sense of humor.
You brought me my self-forgiveness.
You brought me my courage.
You brought me my bursting heart.
You brought me my grace for the moment.
You brought me my gift from God.
You waited.
You tiptoed with me through the discovery of a lonely womb.
You marched with me through the parade of doctors.
You cuddled me in my pain.
You watched as I opened my heart to love.
You winced as I recoiled in anguish.
You waited as I took the time to heal.
You waited.
You taught me to stand.
You taught me to dance.
You taught me to sing.
You taught me to praise.
You taught me to cry.
You taught me to laugh.
You taught me to heal.
You taught me to love.
You taught me to be.
To just be.

Today is my last day as a twenty-nine year old. This is the last day of my twenties. I am a little weepy. See, I LOVED my twenties. They were such a good decade to me!!

Funny, but even though it is hard for me to say goodbye to the decade that has made me who I am, I couldn't be happier to be where I am at. This is my idea of heaven.

It was all a lie...

Hmmm, well. Here I am again trying to figure out how to write this chapter in the saga of our failed adoption.

A key to this whole process has been the gal who connected us with our 'birthmother'. That gal's name is "Susan" and she is one of "Lauren's" teachers. She has also been friends with our family for about 10 years. We know her and we know we can trust her. Much of our information has come through her. Including this latest update.

We found out this past week that the young "birthmother" is in psychiatric care this week because apparently, she is not mentally well. Turns out she faked the entire pregnancy. There was never a baby. She was never pregnant.

Let me say that one again: she faked an entire pregnancy. She was NEVER PREGNANT. It was ALL a lie. And she fooled everybody: her teachers, her friends, Susan, and us. But it turns out her parents never knew about this whole thing and ofcourse therefore, everything we were being told about her horrible situation with her parents was a part of this web of deceipt.

We have been processing this for a week. We have been in shock. We are so sad for Lauren and her family who are now going through this awful process of figuring out what is wrong with her. They think it very well could be multiple personalities or schizophrenia. This is bigger than what we ever imagined. And much more sad.

We are relieved. Relieved that there is no young gal being subjected to the atrocities she was telling us about at the hands of her mother. (Of which I didn't share the details for dignity's sake) And in a strange way we are relieved that there is no baby who is being subjected to the atrocities at the hands of his "grandmother".

As bizarre of a story as this has been to live, I can tell you that when I heard this latest update, I was grateful to be ending a chapter in our lives and being able to move on. We had 'let go' of the baby in our hearts knowing that she was raising him and that being with his mother was best. Now knowing that there never was a baby is a little weird. I guess, I am at peace knowing that the love we are capable of for a baby that never existed is only a shadow of the love we have in store for a baby that will one day be in our arms.

We need to pray for "Lauren" who is mentally ill and needs care. I am praying for an accurate diagnosis and proper treatment so she can live as full & rich of a life as possible.

Healing Waters...

Yesterday was my best mother's day to date. Ironic since I was worried it would be a hard one. And it was in some ways, but boy oh boy have I felt God's protection and healing balm on my soul!!
My own mom is in town from Canada and we 'treated' her to a day trip. We drove to the river after mass (changing clothes in the van!) and we rented a pontoon boat just the 5 of us. It was seriously the most renewing, relaxing, and refreshing Mother's Days ever for me! And my mom said the same thing, she just loved it!! Being on the water can be so life-giving!
We did cards and gifts after a light dinner when we returned home and my sweet husband got me a "spa package" for this week while we are in Indianapolis! (We are going to his best friend's wedding and the kids are staying home with my mom for 5 days!) I am excited to get a pedicure, and maybe a massage!
Anyways. So you can see the theme of our mother's day here was renewal & refreshment in our Lord! Thanks be to God because I feel it - no doubt due to your prayers. Thank you!

And happy Mother's Day to you who are mothers to children of any age. And happy mother's day to you who are spiritual mothers to those in your life who look to you for guidance and care.

A break!!

So, my mom is in town. All the way from Canada! I am thrilled.
Thrilled because she is a great mom and we get to spend our mother's day together tomorrow.
Thrilled because she will be here for ten days in the midst of what has been an obviously tough time for us.
Thrilled because right this very minute she is doing what my mom does best: reading my needs and responding without being asked. She is taking the kids out of my hair and on a walk! I am alone in my house!!
So, since I am alone in the house and hope to be for about 25-30 minutes, I am going to do what I have been enjoying most lately: I am going to read At Home in Mitford!! (Which, by the way I am LOVING!!!)

Yippee!!

We praise you in this storm...

This song truly expresses how I feel right now today:


I am sorry for not getting back in touch with many of you formally. Thank you for all the prayers - seriously - and the amazingly kind comments.
There were several nasty ones but our Gracious God didn't even allow me to be phased by them. Those people don't even know me - not like so many of you do.

I have felt the impact of your prayers this week. I have been very peaceful and just so secure in the knowing that my God is unchanged and His love is bigger than, deeper than, wider than this unimaginable confusion we went through last week. He is not a God of confusion but of truth and clarity. He is a God of peace. He is a God of unfathomably passionate love for each and everyone of his children. I have tasted the grief of the Father's heart for every one of our sins. I have experienced the peace that is so beyond explanation and understanding. My heart is full. Full of joy in the loving family and friends that have surrounded us during this hard time; joy that the son we thought we lost is not dead but lives; joy that we are kissing the cross of Christ and that with each day we are brought closer to Him - in death and Resurrection.

Practically speaking:
- we have heard from "Lauren" once - last tuesday. She told us that it was all her mother and that she is very confused and feels very unsure about what she is going to do because she is scared of her mom.
- we don't expect to hear from her again. We might, but we are not waiting for it.
- We have no idea what we are going to do next.
- we feel we may simply embrace where we are at as a family for a while, and continue to mend and pray.